#some sad excuse of a porridge and a cookie and i had planned on eating half of everything but after those words
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for some reason remembered the psych days and i really was insane back then and not even in a way what i was admitted for
#i was so deep in my ed my god#one woman was bitching at lunch and she said ''eating these foods? nah they're so bad for your body!'' and it was just#some sad excuse of a porridge and a cookie and i had planned on eating half of everything but after those words#i just layed down my spoon and left#bc i felt i was judged by everyone for eating even those two miserable spoons of the porridge#and after that when i was transferred to another ward? sleeping pretty much all my time away for a couple of weeks i still would#get out in a vacant room to work out jesus christ#and a couple of girls followed me and they told me they wated to lose some weight as well and i was like ''NO YOU'RE FINE''#i still ended up being made into a some sort of a coach for them??? they would ask me ab the nutritional value of some things we were fed#and i would answer😭😭😭 i didn't think of this as a bad thing tho but i should've shut my mouth tbh#and after weeks of counting and restricting??? binging on whatever food i could get from my roommates#god all of this makes me gag i don't want to be this sick again
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